December 13th, 2022

I died last time with my hand on the barrel, because they made the shot before I did. I'd drawn and hesitated. I was reborn with my finger on the follicle, and this time I won't make the same mistake.

I'm going to London to visit Avery in 13 days. Two weeks today I'll be there. I have this worry that I'm going to fumble socially. That I'll say the wrong things around her family. That I'll forget some unspoken rule in a world I'm just not familiar with. That her new friends and I won't vibe. That I'll experience what happens all too often—I seal off my true identity as a defence mechanism. I'm going to leave these thoughts behind in Canada, and bring only to London complete vulnerability. Whatever happens will be interacted with by my true self, at my very core, hiding none of me. This is my greatest goal—to be without pre conceived notions or judgement. To be radically simultaneously both openly vulnerable and secure in myself.

I'm going to try my best to be me.